Life.Ive been listening to people's thoughts,but who gonna listen to me?
Ive been alone all the while.Seems like everything have left me.
And I dont like it.I miss those times when Im younger.
When everyone love and care for me and stuff.It feels so great.
But now.I can only think about it.Think about those sweet moments.
I missed them.But I miss my sister the most.I will do whatever to get my family back together.
I used to talk to my sister about my problems,fight about small things with her.
I even used to hate her for who she is.Im sorry.But now,Im all alone.
Talking to myself.Thinking and solving about my own problems.
It really just sucks so badly.My dad's favourite is my sister.
My momma told me that...my dad only likes to speak to my sister.
Play computer games with her.I know I never can replaced that place in my dad's heart.
But Im just trying to make everyone happy.And its so tired and difficult to.
I really feel like giving up but I know I shouldn't.I really dont know what to do.
Im over relying on everyone especially my sister.She's always there for me.
Its been afew years she left home.Although she's still talking to my parents...
going out together.Communicating together and things,normally family would do.
Its just not enough for me.I want my sister to move in back with us!
I'll give her everything she wants.As long as I can be with her....
Ive been crying these few nights.Thinking about my sister,my friends...my family..
Its like God has been taking things away from me.Everything's gone.
I realised that Ive been taking things for granted.
I had this dream.A dream about my dad saying...."I hate you!" right into my face.
And when I woke up,it feels so real.I cried abt it.I didnt tell anyone about it.
I dont know what to do.How can I stop it from happening?
I know you guys might think that Im just being too sensitive.
But my dreams do come true.Its just that I dont know about the timing.
And I have to remember those dreams in order to "postponed" it.
But I really cant.I cant remember those dreams/nightmares.It just keeps coming.
And studies.I cant seem to focus on what I really should.
I feel so distracted everywhere,everytime and everything.
Love/Relationship. Recently,Ive know this guy.He's been cheering me up when Im down.
Been there for me everytime when I need someone.And soon,Ive fallen for him.
I dont know about his feelings towards me.But the more we're close to each other...
The more Im afraid to lose him.Its like a curse.I cant been really close to guys.
Everytime when I fall in love,I'll ended up losing them.And I'll fall apart.
I really dont wanna give my heart to him but I just cant help it.
He melted me.He melted my heart.We've never met before in life.
But it feels like we have known each other for quite long.I know its wrong.
But its beyond my control.Really.I have tried to stop it but I failed to.
Some notes for everyone that Ive known....
To Rebecca,my sister:
I know u dont like the way papa and momma talk and act.
But that is them.We should accept it.I also cant take it but I have to.
They're our parents.They take care of us.Papa love you the most,u should know that.
And me.Im sorry for fighting every small things with you.
Now without you,Im all alone.I got no one to talk to about my problems.
You're the only one that I can really trust and talk to about my problems.
I really missed those younger times when we're really close to heart.
I really miss you....
To my parents...
If you guys read this,dont be mad or anything.
Take it as nothing happen.I really dont wanna cry infront of u guys.
Thank you for everything u gave...really thank you!
And sorry for making you two mad and everything....
To Rascals:
Thanks for those fun and happy times together.
You all really made my day.Those are like the only happy time that I really enjoyed.
And I really hope to see you guys soon.We'll skate together and laugh together.
And I hope that this Saturday,I can skate with you guys...
That will make Saturday(which is my day) more happier.I miss you guys! :)
To Era:
hey baby!hahah.surprized to see ur name here?right?
Thanks for making me smile with every little thing u do.
Although its not much.Im just glad that ure my friend.
Really hope to see you soon.We'll go out together one day alryt!
To Rossa/Feella/Amalina:
You guys been there for me since secondary one.Its been two years.
This year we havent been talking much together due to different class.
And some other reasons.But really thank you guys for being my friends.
Hanging out together.Laughing together.Eat together.Teaching me some malay words.
And you guys especially Rossa..you guys been there when things happened.
I still remember I cried in Rossa's arms.Thanks for that.(Aint a lesbian. -.-")
Really hope that we'll get together someday.Be happy always.
To some skatemates(eg. Ben,Ainey,Zakkey and idk who else.):
Thanks for skating with me all these while.
Ainey,although we've known each other since last year.
and didnt talk much.I really enjoyed skating with you.
You're a strong girl,I can see that.And I really admire you. :p
Ben,we just know each other for quite awhile.Thank you for skating together.
You and your craziness.Two thumbs up.hahah!
Thanks for the white tissue paper rose anyway.Didnt get a chance to say that.
Zakkey,didnt really get along well in primary school times.
But now.We even get to skate together.Youre good with ur skating skills.
So dont give up because of getting bored with it.Just keep skating!
Some other skatemates that skated together before or didnt get to...
Thank you for being my friend.Happy skating alryt! Dont give up.
To people that are just friends and I didnt get to mention ur names:
Sorry abt that.And thanks for being my friends.You guys wont be forgotten.
Never!I will not forget about my friends.Thanks for everything you guys did.
Be it small things or big things. ;)
To Ishak:
You dongdong ah...not me.Thank you for being there when I need someone.
You make me smile.You make me laugh.You make my day.
I cant imagine if you weren't in my life.I really cant.
I dont know how long I can hang on.But I will try to do it for you.
Its been quite torturing without talking to you otp/texting/chatting.
You've became a drug to me and Im addicted already.
I know its wrong to but I'll try not to cling onto you so long.
I know that I have to let you go.If not,it'll be painful for you and for me.
Recently.We're like drifting apart from each other.Seriously.
I do not know how long will it last but you must know this....
I wont forget about you.I wont forget about words u said to me.
I wont forget about you.I really wont.I promise you.
So you must not forget about me okay?Thats all Im asking from you.
And,Im really happy to know you.Really really happy...
that even words cant describe what I wanna say to you.
Thank you.I love you.You'll always be my dingdong. :D
Lastly.My phone have been confiscated by my dad.
Reason being...overused.rabak lah.
Im lazy to bargain with him.Lazy to search for my phone and stuff.
And I can only online when my dad's not around.
which is like from morning to afternoon,around 4+.
And....if he's not working.means doomsday to me.
Its gonna be a hell to me but I'll be fine.hahha!I hope so.
Four more days to my birthday...
only wish is that my family and friends will be there for me.please!
I dont wanna ask for more.And that is all. goodbye.
Labels: i hope this will be over soon. its been a hell for me.
