You dont understand how I feel.
You dont know what Im going through.
You dont know how afraid I am.
You just dont know...
Oh, no one ever knows.


Yesterday.went to Faiz's pit with Ameirah.
Luckily I didnt go alone.hah. If not,awkward again.
after setting down at his pit, went off to E!Hub to meet Rasty.
but didnt.cause he wanted us to wait for him for two hours.
no way!i aint gonna wait for guys anymore. no offence.
You dont know what Ive been through, thats why.
so we headed back to the pit to join them.
till 10pm, ameirah and I went back home.
for like so long time, didnt get to go home late.
and I love going home late cos its cooling.ahah.
well, today.tired and totally no strength plus cash is running low.
actually not ah.i dont feel like using my money.
cause im planning to get a new set of deck so better not spend anything.
so im just staying at home today and it seems like its gonna rain.
maybe skating tmrw,if i can find people thats free. -.-"

Life is like getting meaningless to me.Seriously.
Im not planning for suicide ah.But its true...
Life is indeed getting meaningless.
Im not sure why but I keep feeling that way.
Yesterday,at the pit.Had a conversation with Ameirah.
We talked about alot things we have gone through.
But theres something I didnt mention....
cause I feel that theres no point to say so I didnt.
Sometimes, I really did give a thought about committing suicide.
But a moment later, I felt its stupid to die just like that.
And Im not willing to give up on skating yet.yeah...
Things in my life is turning out to be bad.
although I dont like it but what can I do?
someone told me this before,

"Sometimes things wont go the way you wanted it to go.
You just have to take it easy."

I agreed with it but sometimes, I cant take it easy.

Sometimes I feel like just fading away from everything...
Sometimes I feel like just being invisible to everything...
But I cant.I dont have the power to do that.
I wish that I have a pair of wings so that I could just fly away from everything.
But I cant.Im not born out with a pair of wings.Its harder than you can imagine.
Feeling sad.Feeling regret.Feeling dissapointed.Feeling weak.
Its just difficult. Too difficult for me to hang on alone.
I need someone to be there for me.
But everytime that person is just going away from me.
I dont understand why. I just dont understand why.
It hurts me deep down. Really it does.
But what can I do? What can I do to stop?
Im totally helpless.
Nightmares are linking together and coming true.
Im totally helpless.
Oh, you just dont know how afraid I am.
You just dont know how weak I am.
You just dont know anything.
You just dont know how I feel.
You just dont know what Im going through.

You think that life is easy for me.It aint easy as you think it is.
I have my own problems like you and everyone else.
You just dont understand what Im going through.
Now, stand in my shoes and think.